Some things are finally looking up, it looks like I might of found a place to live in. For awhile. It is not with my friends, but it is a room, which allows me to have all five animals, and is only 650 a month for the master. Sucks theres no private bathroom, but whatever. This will allow me to have time to save up money, find a job, and blah blah blah. Then I can actually move out with my pets and friends, I suppose.
My lover is on and off, on and off, dont know whats going to happen with him, dont know if it is time to move on, dont know if i should wait. Maybe things will be different when I have my own place and he can come by whenever the fuck he feels like it. Hopefully no drama comes of this.
The job hunt continues. I cant wait to start school. I cant wait to find a job, because these things will keep me occupied, hopefully enough to ignore the pain of my slowly but surely breaking heart.
I am going to become a vet assistant, in about 9 months from now I will have a FT job somewhere living out my dream.
Dun dun dun. I am so confused and have mixed feelings about almost everything. Everything that can possibly be fucked up right now, is fucked up. It sucks. But I am trying not to break. I am trying my hardest to take the days as they come and live happily through them, but I am slowly falling apart. Someone needs to catch me, and I dont know if someone will.
I can only hope.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Always Second Best
I am losing my lover. He no longer talks to me. He is too busy. I cannot think. Slipping back down into the hole of real depression. I keep trying to figure if it is worth it, if he is worth all this pain, and I cannot figure it out. I dont know why. I dont know what to do. I dont believe he even wants to date me anymore. I need help. I need to see a psycho person....I need to get on anti depressants or something...I cant go on like this....
My best friend likes me and is chasing my tail trying to get with me, but I am definately NOT wanting that. Eww. Disgusting. Not attracted to him at all. I dont want to be with him in that way, AT ALL. And he stares at me and fucking thinks hes going to get with me. WHY? BECAUSE ERIC AND I ARENT DATING! I DONT KNOW WHY HE CANT JUST ASK ME OUT ALREADY AND !!!!
*sobs*
He doesnt want me, theres no way he wants me. He cant want me. He would talk to me if he wanted me, right?
I cant do this. I am going to go insane. I am always second best. Always. I cant do it anymore. I cant.
My best friend likes me and is chasing my tail trying to get with me, but I am definately NOT wanting that. Eww. Disgusting. Not attracted to him at all. I dont want to be with him in that way, AT ALL. And he stares at me and fucking thinks hes going to get with me. WHY? BECAUSE ERIC AND I ARENT DATING! I DONT KNOW WHY HE CANT JUST ASK ME OUT ALREADY AND !!!!
*sobs*
He doesnt want me, theres no way he wants me. He cant want me. He would talk to me if he wanted me, right?
I cant do this. I am going to go insane. I am always second best. Always. I cant do it anymore. I cant.
Monday, September 07, 2009
U-Haul U-Drive 1,500 Miles U-GoInsane
So here I am, planning my way home to San Diego. Ugh.
My lover came up to Spokane to visit me for 5 days, and I had to take him to the airport yesterday. I cried the whole way home. I didnt want to see him go. I feel so alone without him by my side. I have to plan this huge trip home, and he wont be able to help me. My best friend from San Diego (who has muscles and used to be a wrestler) is going to fly up to help me drive back down. *sigh* I have to get a 10 foot u-haul, which my cats will go in. By the way, that will cost like $900 plus gas for that gas HOG. All three of my kittens. Then my poor big dogs will be crammed in my mustang with me for two long days. This is the plan we have so far.
I will have to move into my moms place for like a week, and I dont know who is going to take care of my cats. They cannot stay at my moms place because my other dog, Bailey, does not like them, and he tore the shit out of the screens and she had to replace them. Soo...I will have to pay to have them boarded or something..
Im thinking now that I dont want to leave so soon because of my job. I love my job. And I dont want to leave the pet industry. Damnit. I dont know what to do. I am so unhappy here, just living life day by day, not feeling like I am going anywhere, etc. I need to go back to San Diego. But then I wont be in school or have a job. I need advice from someone. I need to talk to someone. F. U. C. K.
On top of all this crap, I have insomnia, and havent been sleeping well. Bella hasnt talked to me in 4 or 5 days now. I dont exist. Cant wait to get the fuck out of here. Oh geez.
My lover came up to Spokane to visit me for 5 days, and I had to take him to the airport yesterday. I cried the whole way home. I didnt want to see him go. I feel so alone without him by my side. I have to plan this huge trip home, and he wont be able to help me. My best friend from San Diego (who has muscles and used to be a wrestler) is going to fly up to help me drive back down. *sigh* I have to get a 10 foot u-haul, which my cats will go in. By the way, that will cost like $900 plus gas for that gas HOG. All three of my kittens. Then my poor big dogs will be crammed in my mustang with me for two long days. This is the plan we have so far.
I will have to move into my moms place for like a week, and I dont know who is going to take care of my cats. They cannot stay at my moms place because my other dog, Bailey, does not like them, and he tore the shit out of the screens and she had to replace them. Soo...I will have to pay to have them boarded or something..
Im thinking now that I dont want to leave so soon because of my job. I love my job. And I dont want to leave the pet industry. Damnit. I dont know what to do. I am so unhappy here, just living life day by day, not feeling like I am going anywhere, etc. I need to go back to San Diego. But then I wont be in school or have a job. I need advice from someone. I need to talk to someone. F. U. C. K.
On top of all this crap, I have insomnia, and havent been sleeping well. Bella hasnt talked to me in 4 or 5 days now. I dont exist. Cant wait to get the fuck out of here. Oh geez.
Sunday, September 06, 2009
Going Home - At the end of this month?
Well it has been taken care of. I am going home. My father insists I come home for the sake of his money and for the sake of my sanity. My mother is totally against it, but that is probably because she does not want my kittens in her house. Damn mothers. Such a pain in the ass sometimes.
I wonder what Bella is going to do when she comes home from work one day and has nothing to cook with, no table to sit at, nothing to do laundry with, nothing to eat off of, etc. Everything in the house belongs to me, and so far doesnt give a shit. She hasnt talked to me in three days, and I live with her. The microwave, toaster oven, plates, cups, silverware, pots, pans, skillets, tables, end tables, chairs, fans, AC, paper towels, cleaning supplies, food, couch....are all mine. I dont think she realizes everything in the entire house belongs to me except for the things in her room. Scary. I wonder if she will decided to start paying rent after I am gone, or if she is going to get evicted. She used to be my best friend....but I am getting screwed over. I still cant believe it. Its crazy.
I am looking forward to moving back down to San Diego, because I miss all of my friends and I miss my family. But I am not looking forward to the 1,500 mile drive. Ugh. With 5 pets.
I wonder what Bella is going to do when she comes home from work one day and has nothing to cook with, no table to sit at, nothing to do laundry with, nothing to eat off of, etc. Everything in the house belongs to me, and so far doesnt give a shit. She hasnt talked to me in three days, and I live with her. The microwave, toaster oven, plates, cups, silverware, pots, pans, skillets, tables, end tables, chairs, fans, AC, paper towels, cleaning supplies, food, couch....are all mine. I dont think she realizes everything in the entire house belongs to me except for the things in her room. Scary. I wonder if she will decided to start paying rent after I am gone, or if she is going to get evicted. She used to be my best friend....but I am getting screwed over. I still cant believe it. Its crazy.
I am looking forward to moving back down to San Diego, because I miss all of my friends and I miss my family. But I am not looking forward to the 1,500 mile drive. Ugh. With 5 pets.
Thursday, September 03, 2009
Spokane to San Diego??
Spokane. Lovely, exciting, refreshing Spokane. I might leave it all behind for the sake of my sanity and return to Sunny San Diego. I do love it here, I came up here to go to college. Well, not really. My only REAL reason was to be with my ex-boyfriend Richtor, but we broke up and are no longer talking. His initials are tattooed on my leg and his name is on my forearm. Smart one, Sinful. Now I have to spend $200 covering it up. Fuck.
Anyway....I came up here for him and to go to college. Hid the "him" part form my parents. But I am up here, all alone, and wondering what to do. I am in love with someone named Eric. He lives in San Diego. We met at my old job, in a crappy bowling alley. Haha. But he is everything I want. Everything I need. He is going into the ARMY! Which is sad......he will be gone for a long time....but he will be getting a lot of money and he actually wants to support me. I want to move to San Diego to be with him. I miss him. I love him. I need to be with him.
Another major reason why I want to go to San Diego is because my current roommate, who is supposedly my best friend, still hasnt paid rent. Its September now, and she owed rent starting May 1st. Lovely. Shit ton of money, right down the drain! My dad is getting screwed over (he pays for my rent) but is also paying for hers along with a bunch of other stuff she doesnt bother to pay us back for. She is obsessed with her new boyfriend. She only works part-time and she spends all her money on haircuts, clothes, manicures, and stupid shit like that. Haha. Good roommate right? She is so obsessed with her new boyfriend that I am in Spokane, alone. I am very lonely up here. I have no friends up here and no boyfriend. My life is in San Diego. I want to be back down there.
I think I will go back down there. Summer of next year. I need about $1,600 to move. Oh wow. Better start saving. EEk!
Anyway....I came up here for him and to go to college. Hid the "him" part form my parents. But I am up here, all alone, and wondering what to do. I am in love with someone named Eric. He lives in San Diego. We met at my old job, in a crappy bowling alley. Haha. But he is everything I want. Everything I need. He is going into the ARMY! Which is sad......he will be gone for a long time....but he will be getting a lot of money and he actually wants to support me. I want to move to San Diego to be with him. I miss him. I love him. I need to be with him.
Another major reason why I want to go to San Diego is because my current roommate, who is supposedly my best friend, still hasnt paid rent. Its September now, and she owed rent starting May 1st. Lovely. Shit ton of money, right down the drain! My dad is getting screwed over (he pays for my rent) but is also paying for hers along with a bunch of other stuff she doesnt bother to pay us back for. She is obsessed with her new boyfriend. She only works part-time and she spends all her money on haircuts, clothes, manicures, and stupid shit like that. Haha. Good roommate right? She is so obsessed with her new boyfriend that I am in Spokane, alone. I am very lonely up here. I have no friends up here and no boyfriend. My life is in San Diego. I want to be back down there.
I think I will go back down there. Summer of next year. I need about $1,600 to move. Oh wow. Better start saving. EEk!
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
Get to know me, before you judge me.
Okay, so, here it goes. My name is Sinful. Not really, but that is what you will know me as. Here are some random facts about me:
I live in Spokane, Washington.
I am a Pet Care Specialist.
I have the best job and the best boss in the entire world.
I dream of becoming a vet and an author.
I am an artist.
I love body art and modifications.
I have 10 tattoos and 9 piercings.
I have insomnia.
I AM DRUG FREE.
I was adopted, but I have met my biological mother.
I love her to death.
Old enough to know better, too young to care.
I am a college student.
I dont know where I am going with life yet.
I drive a 2005 Mustang with racing upgrades.
I am an extremist and an adrenaline junkie.
I love road trips.
I dont eat seafood.
My main choice in music is metal and rock.
I have laid on top of a grave.
I have shot a gun and I have pretty damn good aim.
I love to race.
I usually dress in black.
I love vampires.
I read a lot.
I have 3 kittens. Kovu, Rascal, and Nuka.
I have 2 dogs. Luna and Bella. German shepherds.
My pets mean the world to me.
My rooms always a mess. I cant keep it totally clean.
I love horror and thriller films.
My skin is really white.
I go to sleep when the sun comes up.
I like thunder and lightening storms.
I love cranberry juice.
I love chocolate soy milk.
I smoke cigarettes.
I dont drink too often, but I do.
I hate hot weather.
Red bloody meat = yummy.
I love doing my makeup. Who cares if I wear a gallon.
Beer and wine are disgusting.
I love roller coasters and theme parks.
I am very defensive of my friends.
When I am upsset, I like to go for a drive.
I cant stand liars or fakes.
People always judge me before they know me.
I have mild OCD.
I like creepy old houses.
And graveyards.
Yes, I am a female who drives a loud muscle car. Get over it.
"The Tattoo is the Mark of the Soul.
It can act as a window
Through which we can see inside,
Or it can be a shield to protect us from those
Who cannot see past the surface."
Alright well, there's me. A bit more in detail, I live with my best friend/roommate Bella. She is alright sometimes, but lately it is not going well. Not paying rent, not helping with household items. She recently got this new boyfriend, who is obviously too good to be true, and she is totally attached to him. I do not exist anymore. Which sucks, because I just moved up north from San Diego, and I dont really know anybody. So I spend a lot of time in my room reading, writing, and looking for a second job to keep myself occupied. This guy is totally crazy though......and she let him spend the night at our house without asking me 9 hours after she MET him. They slept in the same bed. Lovely, eh? Very trustworthy roommate. Damnit. Makes me wonder what I should do about it.
My lover is entering the ARMY in December. Dont know how I am going to handle that. Gonna go for now. See yah.
I live in Spokane, Washington.
I am a Pet Care Specialist.
I have the best job and the best boss in the entire world.
I dream of becoming a vet and an author.
I am an artist.
I love body art and modifications.
I have 10 tattoos and 9 piercings.
I have insomnia.
I AM DRUG FREE.
I was adopted, but I have met my biological mother.
I love her to death.
Old enough to know better, too young to care.
I am a college student.
I dont know where I am going with life yet.
I drive a 2005 Mustang with racing upgrades.
I am an extremist and an adrenaline junkie.
I love road trips.
I dont eat seafood.
My main choice in music is metal and rock.
I have laid on top of a grave.
I have shot a gun and I have pretty damn good aim.
I love to race.
I usually dress in black.
I love vampires.
I read a lot.
I have 3 kittens. Kovu, Rascal, and Nuka.
I have 2 dogs. Luna and Bella. German shepherds.
My pets mean the world to me.
My rooms always a mess. I cant keep it totally clean.
I love horror and thriller films.
My skin is really white.
I go to sleep when the sun comes up.
I like thunder and lightening storms.
I love cranberry juice.
I love chocolate soy milk.
I smoke cigarettes.
I dont drink too often, but I do.
I hate hot weather.
Red bloody meat = yummy.
I love doing my makeup. Who cares if I wear a gallon.
Beer and wine are disgusting.
I love roller coasters and theme parks.
I am very defensive of my friends.
When I am upsset, I like to go for a drive.
I cant stand liars or fakes.
People always judge me before they know me.
I have mild OCD.
I like creepy old houses.
And graveyards.
Yes, I am a female who drives a loud muscle car. Get over it.
"The Tattoo is the Mark of the Soul.
It can act as a window
Through which we can see inside,
Or it can be a shield to protect us from those
Who cannot see past the surface."
Alright well, there's me. A bit more in detail, I live with my best friend/roommate Bella. She is alright sometimes, but lately it is not going well. Not paying rent, not helping with household items. She recently got this new boyfriend, who is obviously too good to be true, and she is totally attached to him. I do not exist anymore. Which sucks, because I just moved up north from San Diego, and I dont really know anybody. So I spend a lot of time in my room reading, writing, and looking for a second job to keep myself occupied. This guy is totally crazy though......and she let him spend the night at our house without asking me 9 hours after she MET him. They slept in the same bed. Lovely, eh? Very trustworthy roommate. Damnit. Makes me wonder what I should do about it.
My lover is entering the ARMY in December. Dont know how I am going to handle that. Gonna go for now. See yah.
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